LOVE ACTUALLY

John 13: 31-35

What is love actually? And by that, I mean how is love actualized in our lives? What does it look like in our everyday life? How does Divine Love – the loving essence of God – become real and affecting, right here and right now?

   I heard one time of a woman who worked downtown and had an office that overlooked a small parish church. The church had a lunch program for those in need, and two or three times a week she would look down from her office perch and see the line of people being served by the parish. She was not a Christian, but one day she decided to go down and check it out. That first day eventually turned into once per week, and she would work silently next to others cooking, serving, and cleaning up. No one tried to convert her. They simply welcomed her to join them in doing something good out of kindness for others. It wasn’t easy work, but it was worthwhile, and she always returned to her office with a clearer perspective and a good feeling.

   After a few months, the woman decided to attend church on a Sunday, and she found herself in the pews with some of the same people from both sides of the serving line. Soon she became a regular and eventually asked to be baptized. She had come to realize the actuality of love through simple acts of kindness.

   I suspect that if the woman’s experience is anything like my own, she not only experienced love for others, but she also experienced the love of Jesus as seen in the faces of those she engaged with. Experiences like these are when we realize that the Divine nature of love moves beyond service to others, and into real kinship with one another.

   Hadewijch, the Thirteenth century mystic and one of the best known of the Beguine movement – the first Christian women’s movement centered in living love both mystically and apostolically – said that “One must live love.” Sr. Greta Ronningen, whose master’s thesis was on the Beguines and who now leads women’s retreats on Beguine Spirituality, would say that living love is not conceptual or theoretical, but that we must roll up our shirt sleeves and get moving. We must immerse ourselves in kinship with others in order to experience what I would call the holy exchange of gifts. Jesus makes it clear how we are to follow him into this radical, unconditional love, intimate with the world, when he said:

 “I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you gave me clothing, I was sick and you took care of me, I was in prison and you visited me. Truly I tell you, just as you did it to one of the least of these who are members of my family, you did it to me.”

   Love cannot be done from a distance. Love is something actualized in close proximity with each other. We need to see each other, touch each other, and help each other in real ways, like the woman standing in the lunch line at the parish; like the Beguines who lived among the lepers; like one recovery addict/alcoholic helping another; like the giving and receiving of acts of kindness between our friends who are locked up. Opportunities to share the abundance of God’s love with each other are plentiful.

   In the Episcopal Church, our baptismal covenant calls for us to “proclaim by word and example the Good News of God in Christ. To seek and serve Christ in all persons, loving our neighbors as ourselves, to strive for justice and peace among all people, and to respect the dignity of every human being.” What more needs be said?

   During my seventeen years ministering in the L.A. County Jails, I would often anoint my brothers and sisters, and I ask them to anoint me too. Sometimes, when I would anoint their hands, I would say “These are the hands of God in the world; use them well. Use them for love. Live as Jesus lived and teach to others what he has taught us.” It felt real – like the original program – when we are reminded that we are all in this together, with Jesus as our teacher and guide in love.

   To love actually is to love one another as Christ has loved us. It is to understand that the love modeled for us by Jesus is not for some, but for all. It is to understand that there is no “us” or “them,” but that there is only us. The holy exchange of gifts flows both ways. We bring Christ and we see Christ. We are all both student and teacher. And as a result, we begin to know love, a love that feels real and authentic. I offer you these words from a great spiritual teacher of our time:

“I believe that the practice of compassion and love – a genuine sense of sisterhood and brotherhood – is universal religion. It does not matter whether you are Buddhist or a Christian, Hindu, Muslim, or Jew, or whether you practice religion at all. What matters is the feeling of oneness with humankind.”

   Those words from the Dalai Lama resonate with deep truth for me, and maybe they do for you too. If we as Christians are to have integrity, authenticity and relevance, we must show the world a love that moves beyond borders and dividing lines. It’s a movement of Christ’s love into all the world. It is about inspiring the very best in people. It is about loving and respecting the dignity of others in such a way that all people – regardless of religious tradition or denominational stripes – can claim and honor their own lives because of our presence, not in spite of it. Because of who we are and how we love, those around us can become more fully who they are and be inspired to love, and then we are one step closer to living into God’s vision in which all people are restored to God in love. We are one step closer to realizing the Kingdom of heaven here on earth.

   The twentieth century Trappist monk, activist, and writer Thomas Merton said: “Love is my true identity. Selflessness is my true self. Love is my true character. Love is my name.” Let’s actually love each other in real, hands-on, no strings-attached ways, with our touch, with our eyes, with a listening heart. Let’s touch the world with what John of the Cross describes as the living flame of love. Abandon yourself to God and God’s love. And remember that your hands are the hands of God in the world, so use them well. Live as Jesus lived and teach to others what he has taught us. That is love, actually.

Brother Dennis is a Christian monk, author, spiritual director and teacher on contemplative spiritual life. He has been in 12-Step recovery since 1998 and a chaplain with the incarcerated since 2004. He has written hundreds of reflections and essays on life, recovery, and spirituality. He has authored two books: OBLIVION (2019) and THE GOSPEL LIFE (2021)