FAITH

Here we are again with the story of Jesus showing his wounds to reassure Thomas that he continues to be present in his life. This is a story about making sure that Thomas is secure in his walk with Jesus, even after he has been killed. It is important to Jesus that Thomas have a solid faith to rely on as they face the storms ahead for the disciples. Faith is a great strength for all of us as we navigate the challenges life will undoubtedly bring.

   I didn’t grow up believing in God.  We went to the Presbyterian church, but it didn’t mean anything to me. I heard the bible stories, but I didn’t like them. For example, I hated the story of Noah’s ark. Why would God drown all the animals except for 2 of each kind? Nothing at church opened a door to faith for me.

   When I was 13 my mom left my dad for her psychiatrist and we moved from a fairly normal life in Kalamazoo Michigan to the wild west of New Mexico. It was as though a bomb went off in the middle of our seemingly safe and predictable lives. Sadly, our new stepfather was a cruel alcoholic and chaos entered our lives.

   And I felt very alone. In fact, I was very alone. No one was paying any attention to me, and I started making bad decisions. Parenting was no longer happening.  And when a super bad thing happened to me, I felt utterly and completely alone without a caring presence.

   My mother’s life was not easy and became worse over the years. She married a third time to an even worse alcoholic. She had a real rocky road. After she left him, she gave up on men for many years, but I am happy to say that at the age of 89 she fell in love with a really nice man. Finally, she was treated kindly and with respect and I could see how healing this was for her soul.

   Throughout all the ups and downs, my mother maintained a strong faith. She was sure of God’s presence in her life and loved going to church. She particularly loved the hymns and a smart homily.

   Towards the end of her life I asked her how she came to have faith. She told me that one day she was sitting at the kitchen table, back in the Kalamazoo days, and she felt the undeniable Prescence of Christ. That one mystical encounter had secured for her a lifetime of faith. She maintained her joy in life and was known for saying, “Today is the most beautiful day of the world.”  

   It is a mysterious thing how some people have an easy time finding a life of faith and others never experience faith. Is faith like grace something we receive into our hearts?  

   In my twenties I found a spiritual path in Tibetan Buddhism. It offered me an understanding of compassion and the importance of spiritual practice or meditation. But 26 years ago, when my life was blowing up and I was getting a divorce, I felt a deep longing to find a relationship with God. I realized how self-oriented my spiritual life was.  And it dawned on me that the Way of Jesus was utterly about love of others as a spiritual path. I picked up the phone and called my mom, and she took me to church. I found myself crying through the whole service – everything moved me, the music, the message, the scripture. I knew that this was it for me. I had found my faith. And honestly from that day to now, my life has only gotten better and better. I feel like I couldn’t have dreamed up a more fulfilling life than the one I have as an Episcopal nun, priest and prison chaplain.

   There is surrender involved in faith. We must let go of our super independence and willfulness, trusting that this loving God will sustain us and guide us. Or as the popular saying goes, “Let Go and Let God.”  We might lean into the idea that even the difficult stuff we all have to face is leading to our betterment. For most of us stubborn humans it takes a good knock down to make the switch from self-orientation to God-orientation.  

    Those in the 12 step programs know a lot about this. It is often when life is really a hot mess when we finally surrender to God.  When we can no longer manage things on our own, we are far more apt to turn to God with all our hearts. 

   Faith is feeling safe, knowing that no matter what we might have to endure we are not alone. Faith asks us to embrace, to invite into our hearts this loving God who promises to be with us always. Here, we are in today’s scripture with Jesus offering his poor traumatized disciples his wounded body to reassure them of his presence. There is no shame on Thomas for needing proof. Jesus comes back to make sure Thomas has what he needs to believe in the risen Christ.

   We are living in a turbulent time on this fragile earth. Some of us are afraid about where we are headed, much like the times in today’s gospel. But we can be encouraged by the gentle way that Jesus handles the doubting Thomas. He wants only to bring his disciples and all of us his peace and reassurance. He wants them and us to believe in his unwavering love  to live in faith.

   How can the tenderness of this loving resurrected Christ fill our doubting days with more peace, more reassurance that we are not alone?

   When my mom was dying, she looked into the faces of her 3 beloved grandsons and said, “You have to have faith.” She was radiant with Divine Love. Honestly, it seemed she was already halfway to heaven. Then she said, “God is love.” And the last thing she said before she died was, “Jesus is everything.”

Sister Greta